The Crossroads

Excerpt from the book I am going to write. Soon.  The story is fictional.

"I was thinking of putting up these words in the form of a poem. But then I realized, the substance that I am writing about cannot be made to rhyme or cannot be made poetic, because there is nothing beautiful about it anymore. Yes, I am speaking about love. The love which I lost today and lost it forever.

I thought that this was the girl whom I will end up marrying. And I tried with my heart to love her, to make her happy. I always knew that her life was not as simple as mine. Things were not set in the right place for her as it was for me. Things did not come as easily to her as it did to me. Life, it seemed to me, was always more harsh towards her. And this is what made me love her more, to make life fair towards her. I was thinking that I was helping her by loving her, making her life easy. I was wrong.

I realized that the more I went deeper into her life, the more her life got complicated. I was confused. I wanted to be her solution, and I found that I was becoming the biggest problem in her life. The one problem which she was struggling to  solve. This shattered my premise on my love. I used to think that I was bringing happiness in her life. But I was not.

I found that everyone around her saw me with disdain in their eyes. Everyone around her wanted her to leave me. She was fighting against her own people for me. But, she was also crying. And I didnt understand how I can bring back her smile. I asked her, tried to listen to her. But she wont speak. I wanted her smile to be back on her lips. And I was failing.

She was the queen of my heart. The one special who cannot be replaced and whose place will remain in my heart forever. And I cannot see her cry, see her in pain.

I saw that she was sitting on the crossroads in her life. One road led to her family's happiness and the other road led to me. The road to me was the difficult one, which involved her facing constant pain inflicted by the ecosystem around her. That road was a longer one. But I knew that, she wanted to take the difficult route for me. And in the process I felt she was dying as the pain was too much for her to handle.

So I had to decide. And I decided to make her choice easier. The only reason she was in pain was because she was on the crossroads. If there was no crossroads, she need not cry. And I did a horrible thing. What I did cannot be described here. But the result was that the crossroads disappeared forever.

I can see her walking now on the only road remaining, towards her family. She is sad. She is angry. But I know, now she can atleast be at peace.

Sometimes its better to remove the painful option so as to make life easier. For her, I was the desired, but the painful option.

And this was the best I could do for her. I love her. That is the truth. But some love stories are just not meant to have a happy ending"

I know, there are many unanswered questions in the excerpt. But if I write about everything here, then this wont remain a blogpost anymore. Thanks for reading.

Signing off- Drunken Mind

My tryst with Death

Time: 11.55 AM . 30/09/2011

Venue: IIM Ahmedabad, Dorm 16 Room 3

Ya, I am still alive. Its been about 13 hours now, and I can safely assume that I am out of any short term dangers of the incident that struck me yesterday. Yes, the Drunken Mind aka FootLee as I am known within the red walls is going to keep ticking for the time being. :)

Date: 29/09/2011. It was around 11 pm in the night. Me, Miyoni ( The Dorm Baap ) and Mahabali Leechar ( Don't be surprised. We do have a Mahabali in the dorm) were engaged in a high velocity game of cricket within the dorm. This has become our favorite time pass in the second year. Me as usual was smashing Miyoni for fours and sixes all around the dorm. But then a ball came which had my wicket written on its name and I had to return to fielding, an activity in which I am no Jonty. Thereafter Mahabali Leechar came to bat and was getting rattled by Miyoni's balling, when my thirsty eyes fell on an innocent looking bottle of Moutain Dew sitting on top of the cupboard. Being dehydrated already after the heavy hitting, it looked like a promise of relief to me. I could imagine how freshness will wash over me if I could get to drink a few mouthfuls of the chilled Moutain Dew. I needed it, I decided and announced, "Drinks Break!".  

I took over the bottle, stripped open the cap and squeezed out a mouthful, hoping to feel the freshness.

It didn't taste like Dew. Neither was the smell familiar. Very much dilute and lemon flavored. I realized I have drunk, a good handsome mouthful of the home cleaning acid! May be Phenyl! I am F-worded.

"Guys, I think I drank acid!". My dorm mates' initial reaction was shocked hilarity. I understood their inability in reacting wisely to this alien new situation and could emphatise with them. Miyoni, just like a pompous consultant, who usually doesn't have sector expertise but claims to have, assured me of no viable risks and recommended me to relax. But I knew I may be some thirty minutes away from a painful, foam-coming-out-of-my-mouth kind of death. 

I went to the wash room and tried to cough it out. But found it too troublesome.

I rushed to my room and googled up " Drinking Phenyl". 

Yahoo answered me, "you will either die a horrible painful death, have your stomach pumped within 15 minutes of drinking the stuff and maybe come away with nothing worse than severe burns to your entire inside body. Or have your insides attacked to the point where you will spend the rest of your life as a vegetable being kept going by lifesupport machines, unable to care for yourself or even use the loo on your own ... that is if you can use the loo at all by the state of your insides"

Miyoni also read it up and this did rang some wisdom into his head. I forgot to mention another of my great friends, Mr Tarzan was also around. I had invited him for making a pitch for a client. Tarzan gave me an insight into the situation and told me he survived one such incidents where he drank Kerosene. Was that reassuring for me? Of course not! 

I knew now, this may be my last night on earth. Even Miyoni was more into the thing now. " Miyoni Sale, haste khelte fisul me , G.... na lag jaye" . He understood.

We called up the Campus Doctor and detailed him the situation. The doctor guessed that these home cleaning acids are normally dilute and doesn't cause massive corrosion, if drunk in little amounts. He recommended me to drink up cold milk as an alkali agent to neutralize the acid. It sounded logical to me. 

But I was not satisfied. What if it was not a mild acid? What if it was Phenyl? I decided to reach to the source of the acid and plundered the cup board which stored all the home cleaning agents. I found a big bottle of Max Home Grade Acid. The composition was not mentioned in the bottle. The smell was kind of similar to what I drank. But we inferred that something else, something more poisonous, also could have been added. Calling up the house-cleaning boy was also futile as he was not picking up the phone. Googling the acid's name further helped no more. But I found that home cleaning acids are usually mild compositions as the thought leaders have already foreseen situations like this. I was thankful.

It was already 20 minutes now. I was anticipating some reaction from the evil agents that had found way into my system. I was not scared. But jokes apart, the truth was, I was scared for my parents. 

Miyoni again assured, "I will keep the keys of the bike. If you start releasing foam from your mouth, we will rush to the doctor". It was not reassuring at all. A short discussion on Reactive vs Proactive process ensued.

The doctor called this time and invited us to his residents for a pulse and heart beat check. Atleast he was thinking something. I decided to first go to the cafe for milk. At this point Mr Tarzan jokingly reminded, "Guys we need to make the presentation also! Let FootLee go to the doctor, while we make it" I retorted, "F-word your presentation into your holy ass ". The situation was humorous with an underlying current of tension. We all left for the cafe.

At nescafe, I drank 1.5 glass of badam milk and could feel something neutralizing inside me. I know it was just an imagination, but was kind of reassuring.

At the doctor's house, he found my heart beat and pulses to be normal. Checked my tongue for blisters and found none. I guess, I am not dying afterall.

On our way back, we analysed and identified the possible sources where I can find fresh milk in the campus. That's what I needed to survive now. :)

45 minutes gone. No apparent acidic reactions till now. I was starting to believe that I am out of danger.

@1.15 AM, we were busy discussing the client presentation. Soon a super-tuchcha joined us and the discussion shifted to topics that interests boys. He had some very interesting updates to share. The night went on till 4 AM, as usual with everyone laughing and joking about today's legendary incident and ended with nothing unusual happening. 

Thus happened my tryst with death. A short incident but worth writing down to laugh about it later. Life can be unpredictable, uncontrollable but what can be controlled should be prudently managed. I haven't yet told my parents about it. I can imagine how my loving mother will react.

The Trapped Dragon

In my recent trip to Diu, I got the chance to appreciate how magnificent the sea is once again. I have always been fascinated by its beauty.

The very sight of the waves coming and going away brings a soothing effect to the mind. The sea looks angry yet is calm. As I kept reflecting on its splendor, some very weird thoughts came to my mind.

The sea is like a trapped dragon. It wants to get free from its Shackles…The Shackles, which are preventing it from engulfing the whole world. Each time a wave comes and smashes on to the shore, it is an attempt by the sea to break free from its reins. The more the sea is thwarted off by the rocks on the beach, the more enraged the dragon gets and comes back with a vengeance far more fierce. This fight between the sea and the shore is relentless and as time has witnessed, the sea is winning the fight- the shores are being eaten away, bits and pieces at a time, slowly but surely.

The sea is a seductress. It attracts us towards it, luring us into its vicious range by its irresistible grace. The more we go further into the sea, the more addictive it turns, the more funfilled it gets and the more vulnerable we become to its charm. The ones who lose their minds to its hypnotism, are the ones who ultimately end up dead. The ones who were unfortunate to be given death by the sea, died enjoying life till their last moment, until they realized it was too late. It can be inferred that the dying ones lost their ability to discern between its mesmeric beauty and its hidden viciousness. The sea is beautiful, attractive but behind its beauty it hides a hideous truth. The truth of the trapped demon, which appears once in a while to the world in the form of a Tsunami, or an incident of ship wreck, or drowning accidents, is undeniable. The sea is a temptress, hungry for blood and human flesh. Beware of your playful stints with the sea, they may be your last.

The sea shore is the perfect foreplay ground before the act. The wave comes playfully, washes our knees and sinks our feet into the sand on its way back. The waves are the masters of disguise, trained to hide its true intentions behind its cheerful glamour. At one moment, we will be playing with our knees just deep under the sea, the very next moment, a huge wave may bring us chest deep into the water. Interestingly, the force of the water while going back from the shores into the sea is much more stronger and attempts to take us deeper into the sea. If we lose control of ourselves at that moment and let the sea take over, we may be gone with the demon forever, into our watery grave. Without us realizing, our laughter gets turned into our cries for help. We lay oblivious while playing thoughtlessly wit the sea that our nemesis may lay just a moment away, just a few meters away or just one wave away.

These thoughts that came to my mind are a fruit of critical observations into the activities that people do in the sea, unaware of the consequences. Nonetheless, the sea has been and will always be a friend of man.Provided we remember that the dragon is waiting in silence, discreetly hiding behind deep waters, looking for its next victim, trying to break the shackles, to satisfy its undying hunger for human life. Dont tempt him to take yours away.

Pyaar ka Punchnama

For male audience only.But females with a sense of humour may enjoy it.

Pyaar ka Punchnama, was an awesome movie in the sense that it depicted exactly the categories where most of the girls, before marriage, fall into. The movie was such that almost everyone who ever had a relationship could relate to one of those three stories.


The extremely possessive: This is the kind who thinks just because she started living in with you without telling her parents or against her family, she has the upper hand in the relationship. In her view, her sacrifice is unsurmountable and everything you do compared to that amounts to nothing. Even if you work your ass out to please her, she will have the belief that whatever you do is the minimum that you should anyway do. The moment you shy away from any of these shits, you have invited yourself to the big fight. The only difference here is that logical arguments earn no brownie points here and the debate is mostly run on illogical , unjustified accusations and the end result is mostly predecided- you give up.

In short, in this case the license you got to her assets is not for free and you have bargained your soul, your life for that. Your focus has to be only on her and she will ensure it using techniques which we innocent boys dont have a clue of. So beware my friends, the short time benefits might look attractive, but the long term spear that awaits to enter your part where the sun never shines ( quoting Stephen King) is invariably a part of this vicious deal.

The girl friend, but not girlfriend: The most dangerous kind. This is the one we should most definitely try to avoid but we unfortunately run into them atleast once in our life. She has a simple weakness, she needs attention, a shoulder to cry on, a companion to go on shopping with where the companion might sometimes, most of the times infact, need to pay. She may or may not have a boy friend, but your chances of scoring based on your care and concern for her stays at limit tends to zero.

This kind has mastered the concept of friendship and knows how to manipulate it and use it in their favour. Friendship is her medium to get her things done and also her defence against you in getting your things done. Sooner or later, friendship will be used against you in ways which you wont be happy about at all.


The flirt: If you have a strong heart and a mind focussed on only one thing, she is the catch for you. Ofcourse, you need to qualify her cut offs for you to even get a smile from her. This kind is on a mission to conquer the world, extremely ambitious and career focussed and the good thing is that she is stressed most of the time. But remember, even if you get a ticket for the show, you are just a transcient part of her life, just like a movie, and your stint with her will be as quick as your moments of ecstacy.

She is the perfect creation of God with the one objective ingrained in her mind to deliver pleasure and happiness around her vicinity to the ones worthy of her.

Having detailed these I would like to say that the makers of PKP have willingly or unwillingly not done justice to the girl community by excluding that one category without which most of the girls I know will feel betrayed.


The Girl: The gift of God to this undeserving world. She is the epitome of Lordess Saraswati and Lakshmi combined into one being. This kind knows the meaning of love and committment.And by committment, I mean not only to you but also to her family.

She knows how to love and how to get loved. Infact once you get one of this kind, you cant stop loving them. You will love everything about her, her smile, her hair, her eyes, her kiss and whatever you could think of.

She knows her limits and hence you wont be granted any license until the right time. This is important for her as she wants to maintain the sanctity of the relationship. She will do everything for you and will also expect back from you. But if you fail to do so, she will not accuse you of anything but will only be hurt. You have to be a devil to hurt such a being.

This kind has one weakness. They are trying to emulate Mother Teresa and are on that mission of absorbing all pain in the world alone without sharing anything with you or for that matter with anyone else also.

She loves you, that is the truth. But whether you will get her as your soul mate is not guaranteed. Why that is so cannot be explained her simply because I dont yet have the answer. May be because most true love stories, dont have a happy ending. But that may not always be the case, if you are shrewd and man enough, you will know how to get your girl irrespective of what the universe conspires.

Key Takeaways:

PKP is an awesome movie. Watch it, if not yet done.
It is not a complete categorical description of girls.
Even the list I presented is not complete. Because the P&Cs of features will lead to an infinite insignificant list.
Enjoy life as it comes.
Keep reading & Keep your hunt on!

Tschüss ( in German :) )

The Story of Long Distance

LDC, You may have guessed by nw.. it is Longg Distance Ch.....pa. Ocassionaly many of us get into it and though love is love and the feeling is awesome, LDC has its own charm and a very different set of attributes. The mobile, needless to say plays a role much more significant than we realize..

In Good times:

By Good times, I mean the period in the cycle, when everything is just too good to be true. You are perfectly @ peace, and not subjected to any emotional attyachars. ...

You wait for your mobile to beep, the moment it beeps you heart skips in expectation... though more often then not, the messages are from Uninor... stil, the moment "that" number flashes, the one you were longing to see, you feel overjoyed.. read it.. something sweet awaits in the inbox... may be a smile, may be a kiss..

The moment the mobile rings, your heart beats harder... yes, its that number again.. the voice will soon reach your ears.. that voice which you have longed to hear since morning is just an "acceptance" away..(--).. when you hung up, your wait for the next call has just begun..

The mobile houses in it those moments, those messages which you love to read a hundred times with a smile unknwingly hanging on your lips.. it houses those little moments of fun and laughter,
the ones without which your LDC is meaninngless..

Every LDC has a defined hour in the night, when the mobile will ring, has to ring, you knw it, you want it.. this is the hour when you keep checking your mobile evey minute .. almost.. the call has to come, should have come by now..not yet.. and then it comes.. (--)..the silent sound of the kiss.. lucky man.. you can sleep now .. your dreams have been wished sweet.. the night has just become a bit more beautiful..a bit more restless.

You rub your eyes in the morning only to check if the mobile has the message, the wish of good morning..it has.. a good morning indeed..

In Bad times:

The period of emotional torture..

The wait for the beep is on.. only this time though it beeps , there is nothing sweet waitinng for u in the inbox..better dont read it.. delete it.. if you have pissed " that number " enough, you may even get to read a few, rather unpleasant ones..

Will the moble ring? The voice.. when will you hear it again.. these thoughts occupy your mind.. will the wait ever end.. it never does.. the mobile lies by your side, motionless , dead.. you feel like throwing it away.. the mobile stares at you with dread in its eyes..

Those sweet moments housed in the mobile.. you can read them again to cheer your mood.. only, in some crazy spur of a moment, you may have already deleted everything.. the box is empty .. jst as your soul and heart... you can only regret in futility and suffer in call-lessness..

That hour in the night, the predefined hour... the call has to come, the number has to relent... you always knew "the number" sooner or later relents...never betrays you in this hour.. atleast never till now.. will tonight the call come? it may .. it may not.. the mobile alerts you.. someone has called! is it that number.. ? Alas, it is not.. your frustration at your mobile increases undyingly... you can sleep now.. your nights have just gone longer..

The morning has come, the message has not yet.. neither did the call...

A day , a week, a month.. the mobile kept giving you false alerts and heart beats..you cant blame the mobile, it has tried its best...only, that number never rang.. you decide to delete it in anger.. but how can you delete it from your brain cells.. you have unknwingly stored it in such a place from where even you cant delete it.. you are screwed..

Conclusion:

• The mobile is your true friend.


• It is also an indicator of how well you have managed your LDC


• LDC cannot run without a mobile


• Lastly, dont screw your mobile, it was only helping you...

PS: Present physical state of my mobile: healthy

Inbox: Empty.

PS again: This time with a :) .. Please dont take the bull shit too srsly, the things have been written for fun.. and more often than not.. I believe, the number does call, it alwyas does and your LDC falls back into the good time period.. but the cycle does repeat, and thats wht LDC is all about.. Happy LDCing..:)

!!:: """ ""???

I am disturbed, my mind is distracted. Everything looks fine and seems fine. Infact I am suppose to be in a totally awesome phase of my life. So why is that I am bothered... what is bothering me...

I tried to listen to music, i tried to repair my old sony ericsson mobile, i tried watchin some british movies, i tried to see some intersting stuff in dc++, i chatted with a few old friends, i played chess, i tried reading the stuff i am supposed to read for tomorrow, i called my parents and wished them good night, i made the last call that i normally do in the day and after all this i am still bothered.....

after much thought i found the answer.. hope to resolve the thing by tomorrow :)

Life without you

My life, an unwritten page, an unpaid wage;
My life, a smothered fire, an unfulfilled desire;
My life, a leaking boat in a raging sea,
My life, in a desert, a leafless tree;

Tired and lost, I walk the road lonely,
My friend, the dusty sun only;
On the path to a marred glory,
Love defeated in this sweet story;

Her voice in my mind sings,
With her I could fly without wings;
Her face in my eyes appears,
Welling them with tears;

Her smile in my heart stays,
Her fragrance comes and betrays;
With a hollow soul, am alive yet dead;
With a dream shattered , I walk ahead;

As a writer of a story incomplete,
With a pain that ceaselessly repeats ;
As a traveler without a destiny,
With an empty heart missing my tiny;

--------------------------The Drunken Mind

Epilogue: A hypothetical situation where the drunken mind will be in such a state as described in this poem, when his love would have forsaken him.